I see you
Are you comfortable where you are?
Are you fulfilled?
What’s the cost of being where you are?
the answers can not be unheard
I’ve been you
For a decade, I was the man who held it together.
A photographer.
London · Italy · Southern Africa
Successful. Performing.
The show was convincing.
What nobody saw:
Steadily destroying my reputation.
Lying. Breaking. Pretending everything was ok.
Watching everything get smaller while I kept it all up.
In November 2018, I was down to 2 choices.
I did not want to die
I chose life.
I was you
Building, creating, money, power, success.
You wake at 3am. Again.
Reputation, work, relationships – one stumble away from it all coming apart.
Seen for what you are, what you provide, not who you are.
You’ve started over before.
New business. New relationship.
Same man. Same patterns.
You’re done with starting over.
You want to change at the core.
You want to ask for help
You are the rock.
Rocks don’t ask for help.
Yet, you want to ask
Yet, you dare not ask for help
I needed a place to stand that didn’t exist.
So I built it for myself
Something cracked. Not collapsed – Cracked
that’s why you’re searching
the podcast
Stories of men who have fallen & climbed so much higher
Most men don’t tell the truth – not even to themselves. Stuck. Unseen.
Performing roles that had nothing to do with who they actually were.
Some lost everything.
Some never lost a thing — and still felt hollow.
They found their way through.
Not out. Through.
They’re not here to inspire you. They’re here to tell the truth about what it actually took.
They walk the path. They offer their footsteps. The question is whether you’re ready to look down and see yourself in them.
They found their way through.
Not out. Through.
“I built the podcast to share stories of men who have fallen, so that you do not have to fall that far to find out what you’re made of.”
The man who is performing. The man who is invisible behind his own success. The partner watching someone they love slowly disappear. If you’re listening and already thinking of someone, you’re probably right. Share this.
Each guest has a moment where you see your life reflected. A heart attack from ignoring all the signs. A husband losing his wife and his identity.
The man who considered taking his own life. Each of these reflections may be you. You’ll recognise something. That’s the point.
work with me
The room I needed and could not find
This is a space where no one will condemn you. No one will judge you. No one will tell your wife, your business, or your children that you are asking for help.
When a man shares his jagged truth in this room, I simply sit with him. That’s it. That is the whole thing.
I will not be horrified by the terrors that keep you awake at night.
You can say the unsayable in here. You can role-play the conversations you are terrified to have.
You can see yourself clearly, perhaps for the first time.
No judgement.
No shame.
No advice.
” built the 13th Room because when my own life was cracking, the space I needed didn’t exist. I built it to be the room where you can finally tell the truth, without it destroying everything you’ve built.
This is one room. One man. There is only me and that one other person. What is spoken here stays here. Completely.
Thirteen sessions to dismantle the performance. We look at the patterns that brought you to the edge.
We name what keeps you awake at 3:00 AM.
Then we build a direction to go. A lived scene of what your life looks, sounds, and feels like when it is actually yours.
No advice. No fixing. No applause.
Most men have had enough solutions that don’t hold. We simply sit together until the old patterns break.
The Damage Report
What is not working? What is it costing?
The Damage Report is a single-page worksheet.
Two columns. The cost of staying. The cost of changing.
Ten minutes, a quiet room, and a pen. No one else needs to see it.
I did this before my own fall, not after. It was the exercise that got me to the place where I could finally ask for help.
When fears stay in your head, they seem endless. On paper, they become manageable. Just a math problem. Two points: where you are, and where you want to go.
Print it. Write it by hand. Tell the brutal truth. Then decide which future you are actually building.
Download the Damage Report
You didn’t land on this page by accident.
– You found your way here
– Something brought you here.
– And that something already knows the answer.
Creating this report is the next step. Print it off. Find a quiet room. Write the truth down.
That’s where it starts.
Download The Damage Report using the form below
How the Damage Report works
Below is how I filled in the Damage Report before I asked for help.
I will change for The Freedom.
I will pay The Paid Price.
I will not change for The Lies I Tell.
I will suffer the Inevitable Erosion.
I WILL CHANGE
I WILL NOT CHANGE
ADVANTAGES
The Freedom
I will never choose to drive drunk again
I will be honest with my friends and business partners
I will respect the man I see in the mirror.
I will be able to rebuild my reputation.
I’ll be able to live without the shame and fear that was destroying me.
The Lies I Tell
Everything is ok, I’m coping, I can get through the day.
I can numb myself and not feel.
I will be safe where I am (small, frightened, scared and desperately lonely)
I’m clever enough not to get caught lying and making mistakes at work
I won’t have to deal with regrets and those choices I made.
DISADVANTAGES
The Paid Price
I’ll have to ask for help and admit I can’t support everyone like I thought I could.
I will have to face the people I hurt and tell them the truth.
I will have to find out who I am without the performance – and I don’t know who that is.
I will never be able to have a drink again.
I will have to move out of the family home, find a house, and rebuild my life.
I will have to leave South Africa.
Inevitable Erosion
One or two more mistakes at work, and I will lose my reputation
I will always stay stuck, small, angry, resentful, disillusioned, and hate myself.
I will be bitterly unsatisfied and more and more estranged from my family and loved ones
The pain is becoming ever more unbearable, but it’s not yet more painful than the thought of changing.
ADVANTAGES
I WILL CHANGE
The Freedom
I will no longer be married
I will be honest with my friends and business partners
I will respect the man I see in the mirror.
I will be able to rebuild my reputation.
I’ll be able to live without the shame and fear that was destroying me.
I WILL NOT CHANGE
The Lies I Tell
Everything is ok, I’m coping, I can get through the day.
I can numb myself and not feel.
I will be safe where I am (small, frightened, scared and desperately lonely)
I’m clever enough not to get caught lying and making mistakes at work
I won’t have to deal with regrets and those choices I made.
DISADVANTAGES
I WILL CHANGE
The Paid Price
I’ll have to ask for help and admit I can’t support everyone like I thought I could.
I will have to face the people I hurt and tell them the truth.
I will have to find out who I am without the performance – and I don’t know who that is.
I will never be able to have a drink again.
I will have to move out of the family home, find a house, and rebuild my life.
I will have to leave South Africa.
I WILL NOT CHANGE
Inevitable Erosion
One or two more mistakes at work, and I will lose my reputation
I will always stay stuck, small, angry, resentful, disillusioned, and hate myself.
I will be bitterly unsatisfied and more and more estranged from my family and loved ones
The pain is becoming ever more unbearable, but it’s not yet more painful than the thought of changing.
Two sentences in my Freedom — “I will never choose to drive drunk again,” & “I will respect the man I see in the mirror .”
made the Paid Price of “I will never be able to have a drink again” worth it.
break the deadlock and saved my life.
Or, maybe it’s time to have a conversation
A no-obligation, free 20-minute call with me